Monday, January 9, 2012

Not as Easy as It Sounds

"A sense of blessedness comes from a change of heart, not from more blessings."
--Mason Cooley

Now that my keyboard malfunction is over, can I just tell you how much I'm struggling with this 1,000 blessings project

It seems that every time I devote my brain to thanking God for something, I'm jerked back to the real world by some inconvenience. That's the challenge here: to be so immersed in thanksgiving that I don't notice the problems. Or to take that thought one step further: to have such faith in God's plan for me that I see even the "problems" as blessings. Gulp!! 

But right now, the line between problem and blessing is just so blurry. 

I went back to the doctor last week to get the results from all of my blood work and  X-rays. (The rheumatologist wasn't quite ready to confirm the fibromyalgia diagnosis, so he did eleventy million tests to see if anything else showed up.) Apparently, I'm super-duper healthy, which is great. But then why do I feel so crappy? The doctor said everything looked good . . . so, of course, I cried. Haha. Poor doctor. He didn't quite know what to do with that turn of events. 

I was really hoping something little would show up, I could take a pill for a week or two and be done. Instead, we're sticking with the fibromyalgia diagnosis and upping my vitamin D in addition to the other meds I'm taking. 

It's not terrible. But with no real end in sight, it's just a bit disheartening. Of course, the blessing is that isn't not cancer or lupus or something terminal. And I'm sure God is using the pain and fatigue to teach me something. It's just hard for me to be thankful for it right now. 

I'm hoping it will become clearer as I keep focusing on ways to work around (or even with) these obstacles and as I continue counting life's blessings. Some items from my eventual list of 1,000 include:
  • Thank you's
  • Empty laundry basket
  • Cards in the mail
  • Brother-sister 'night-'nights

Are you dealing with a blessing cleverly disguised as a problem?
What are some of your little blessings from the last week?
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